Truths of Offroading. You might be a 4xer if...

Your belt buckle was made by Slick Rock Enterprises. The belt it's on has a 20,000 lb tow capacity.

When your kid spills their tricycle and bends the rear axle, you automatically reach for your Currie Enterprises catalog.

When your wife says she's expecting and Ultrasound shows it's a boy, you insist the name will be "Dana Spicer".

When you go to the supermarket, you never buy less than 5 bananas at one time.

When you go to the bathroom, you always take a parts catalog.

When the work on your 4x is never done.

When people ask you how much your rig cost and you just laugh.

People ask: "how you'd get all those dents" Your reply: There not dents, there works of art.

You spent 4-6hrs saturday to buy sparkplugs but came home with a parts bronco and a lift for your F-150.

Your new found friend called about parts for sale. "your wife thought you're going to have a clean yard" And you ended up trading for a rusted out FJ40. HE stayed for dinner too.

You dismiss a Lambourghini Diablo as a potential vehicle solely on it's obvious lack of ground clearance and poor approach/depart angles.

You see earth-moving equipment with their mondo terrain tires and think to yourself, "Yeah, I could make 'em fit."

The only 44" measurement that excites you is a tire diameter.

You watch Monster Trucks on TNN and get some good ideas for your own rig.

You and your child build a soap box racer, take it to a race and it's the only one there with Nerf Bars and a winch.

You see earth-moving equipment and you fantasize about how much easier it would have been to get *that* down the last trail you were on than your current 4x4.

You can determine the angle of your vehicle by the reactions of your spouse.

When you have to move your toolbox from the passenger floor (it's usual location) so that someone can ride with you.

You think your rig looks better dirty than clean, and it does...! What many see as a beat up rust bucket, you see as a sculpter of experience.

Youv'e "almost" rolled your truck more times than you'd care to remember.

Some call it unfixable, you call it a chance to modify.

They see a scratch, ding or dent. You see fond memories.

They take the high road, or they take the low road. You take a little of both and a lot in between.

Some say your destroying the earth, you say you are becoming a part of it.

They say you are different, you agree.

When you come to a fork in the road, go straight.

What many see as expensive, you see as priceless.

What many see as excessiveness, you see as necessary.

What some see as imposible, you see as a challenge

Wife complains when you stop to look at a junker, you think parts vehicle.

They ask what is it? Chevy/Ford/Dodge/Toyota and a bit of misc.

Theres a severe weather warning, time to go wheeling.

You drive for 2 days a 500 miles a day, just to drive 2 days at 3 miles a day.

"It's no good for the highway" they complain. EXACTLY!

If theres no way to get unstuck, you'll go down trying.

A guy in a vette laughs as he speeds by. You laugh as you drive over the vette.

While everyones stuck in traffic. You're stuck in mud.

Life in the fast lane, too much stress.

Every body panels a different color, just going to get replaced eventually anyway.

You just rolled your truck, "wheres the video, gotta see the video"

When the water crossing gets too deep, you get wet.

Only children play in the mud! Why should they have all the fun.

Just how many parts trucks do you need? All of them!

What some see as a write-off, you see as a weekend shot.

Someone says to call a tow truck. Why? Does he need help?

What offroaders call low riders, "Speed bumps" and wear it in your hair.

They ask "Why replace a perfectly good part?" You replie " If it were perfect, it wouldn't need replacing. Besides there so such thing as perfect, only better."

You've changed the stock gears to lower ones, then added lockers or posi's, then you changed axles altogether and did it all over again.....

Your truck has been lifted at least a couple of times, and you've broken more parts than you can remember because you've been wheeling so long..... And you can recite the part numbers by heart without looking into the catalogs...

You're never quite happy with the motors tourque numbers so you keep upgrading and upgrading until you finally go for the big block...... Then, you work on that one...

The 'accessories' on other trucks are neccessities on your truck. Your offroad lights actually work, you can turn the 36" tires better now than when the truck had stock 29's because of the 5.38's and 460, the rollcage/rollbar is welded to the frame and not bolted to the bed, you actually have gas in the spare gas can, the CB antennae is actually hooked up to a CB, your'e towhooks are bent from use and still hanging in there, your'e yellow snatch-em straps are a perminent color of light brown from the hundreds of times the have been used in the mud....

!!!! You love the smell of gear oil... !!!!!!!

You have enough spare parts in your garage to build a complete vehicle, although it would be unrecognizable.

You like the sunny days but live for the rainy, snowy sloppy days because that is when wheeling is the most fun.....

You have a dirt berm at the end of your driveway from the mud that got washed off your truck.....

This one sounds like YOU MIKE!! You have a utility trailer that is lifted so you can pull it behind your lifted truck.... And it has 33's on it.....(No it dosen't, my trailer has 35" tires!)

You went ahead and spent the farm on the winch because you know that sooner or later, you'll need it again, and again, and again....

When driving around town, you have to stop every 5 minutes to pee, and you DON'T have a bad bladder.(I mean, really drive "AROUND" town).

You think that an Airline is something that connects your differential to the air compressor.

You buy a new house and you make sure that it does NOT have a paved driveway.

It has occurred to you that french fries would probably not be bad if cooked in 90-weight oil.

You bungee-strap your *jacket* to the seat - In the event of a roll-over.

They look at it. You look at it, feel it, taste it, breath it,

You've put a skid plate on your dog's belly when you take it for a "stroll".

You think that "538s" are a great gear ratio for radical wheelin'.

You think that, to the wife's disbelief, that "one more truck" is not one too many.

You put padding around your stick shifts, your roll bars - AND your rear-view mirror.

When you come in from the garage and your granddaughter (ok, you can stop laughting now ;-) says, "Gampa, you're too dirty to sit on the couch".

When you start wondering how much lift and what brand of lockers you want to install when your daughter's stroller bogs down in the gravel driveway.

You break into a cold sweat when your workout partner at the gym says "Here, take my locker- I can't use it."

You know you're a 4Xgearhead when you read the Offroad Digest BEFORE you read your company e-mail, first thing in the morning ...

When you can remember the exact day you bought your rig, but forgot about the number of years you have been married.

When she says she has her period, you immediately start thinking when your rig is scheduled for oil change.

When she mentiones protection, you start calling your Rhino liner dealer.

When your friends start talking about skiing, you wonder where you left that snowplough from last winter.