Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. Ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

Hmmmmmm

He must be a welder!!

Missfit, yer awesome, thats frickin hilarious!!!!

Ahhhhhh poor MissFitt did'nt get her little somethi'n somethi'n.

Oh yes..... the story of my life

Thats to funny...

Missfit, that smilie isn't very sad lookin, very evilish...

SWEET!! I just found a remedy for welder's

Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is" or as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims, "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

Obviously we can no longer call this a "soft drink." This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballls and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount and Do.

In reply to:

---

Hmmmmmm

He must be a welder!!

---

Not cool!

Oh, sorry Jay....that doesn't include you

RELAX, (notice this is posted under the "JOKES" forum) It was an inside joke that many of my friends on here understand..... but then again, I am just a "grumpy bitch"

WHINER! EVERYONE knows that that's what they say about welders....

Once upon a time there were two welders. One was on the East side of the Grand Canyon, the other was on the West side. The first welder yells "HOW DO YOU GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CANYON??" and the second welder replies "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!!"

min grade 9 education hahaha

i once tried cyber sex...i didn't get very far though, seems my computer didn't come equipped with a hole. Does that make me a welder? I personally like welders, make metal stick together...that's alright in my book.

Only reason welders have jobs is because..... MONKEYS are afraid of fire.

Well, there goes my second job choice, having the power to fuse metal ROCKS!!!!!

Also......Everyone knows that a welder's ROD is always between 12 and 18 inches long! If YOUR welder's rod happens to be a half burnt up stub......that's just your bad luck! heh heh

yah but the hotter the welder's rod gets ahemm... the shorter it seems to be. may be its cold outside?????

Hey, watch it Luke........Alot of my best friends are monkeys!

BTW, you guys want that hood I've got?

She got one.....Thanks, man.

The truth hurts, but it's still the truth.....I suppose.

P.S. Calvin and Hobbes RULE !

This explains EVERYTHING!! Now I'm beginning to understand



How Cheap Are You
tgw@ttrdf.UUCP

(From Chicago Tribune 2/24/89 (and others))

And How Cheap Are You?

Some HMOs might want to sign up for this: A Tightwad Contest in Oakland
has been won by a retired welder who separates two-ply toilet paper to save
money. "It's no trouble at all; it just takes a little practice," said Luis
Torres, 64, who won top honors in a "How Cheap Are You?" contest sponsored
by the Oakland Tribune. He also buys generic groceries and day-old baked
goods, reuses plastic bags and never tosses out soap slivers. "I always
did things to save money," said Torres, who attributes his frugal ways to
growing up with 14 siblings. Runners-up included a Berkeley couple who said
they save dental floss on a bathroom hook for reuse, and a Richmond man who
claimed he refreezes used ice cubes. (One couple siad they collect 2-for-1
coupons to restaurants and then invite another couple. "We make them pay
for their half, and we dine free," they wrote.) And from Elmer Hurren in
El Cerrito came this admission: When his vacuum cleaner bag fills, Hurren cuts
one end, empties it and sews it up for reuse. Saves bags, he said, "and
sometimes I find a penny in the dust."